The first time Padhia told me about Love Me Anyways, I thought it was the most badass thing ever. Immediately I knew I wanted part of the movement. I sport the wristband everyday and throw on the tank any time it is clean. Love Me Anyways is something the world needs more of – positive affirmations that it is ok to be who we are and that the people who matter in life are the ones who love you anyways.

 The first time Padhia told me about Love Me Anyways, however, I was incapable of fully comprehending the concept. Not much more than a month prior, I was forced to go to the hospital for fifteen stitches after a night of wine and cutting. It was the culmination of a series of nights of the same thing – my depression and anxiety were spiking to an all-time high. Roughly two weeks later, my best friend left me high and dry because of the whole situation, taking my two other friends with her. My family lives two thousand miles away from me, and they did not know how to help me either. I was all alone in a new city, wounded and lost, just trying to make sense of everything that had happened. Most of my days were spent lying in bed, just wishing my life would end.

 My whole life, love has been conditional. Even those who tried their best to love me unconditionally were only able to do so in covert conditional ways. That was all I ever understood. I earned love by stuffing down any emotion I felt and taking on other people’s burdens silently. And whenever I would collapse under the weight of it all, people would conveniently disappear from my life.

 After a difficult five months alone in a little cocoon, I have surrounded myself with a new group of friends. And every single one of them teaches me something new everyday. But the thing they continue to teach me day after day is exactly what I could not comprehend after first hearing about Love Me Anyways. They see my flaws – the majority, if not all, of them know about my history with depression, anxiety, and cutting. They see me as their equal, even though I am younger than most of them.  They encourage my goofy faces and random, sometimes nonsensical comments. And no matter what they come to know about me, they continue to Love Me Anyways.

 Here is the other thing I have learned through all this: Love Me Anyways is just as much about doing just that for yourself. As my friends – my new family – have continuously shown me they will Love Me Anyways, I have found that I have been being a lot less harsh on myself. For the first time in my life, I am showing myself compassion and mercy. While I still have a long ways to go, I am learning that it is ok to love myself despite my flaws, quirks, and weirdness. I am starting to discover that it is ok to be whoever the fuck it is that I am (Mark my words, one day I will figure out that Agatha Christie mystery). And the cool side effect – I feel lighter. My sarcasm is no longer as cutting as it once was. I smile more. And there are not as many days spent lying in bed, no matter how comfy and warm it is.