End of season sale! www.lovemeanyways.com –>click SHOP
Traveling excites me and makes me a nervous wreck. I’m terrified of all the things that could go wrong at the same time I think “fuck it”. I’m a walking contradiction. I love kids until you surround me with screaming,whinny,tired kids on a plane then I start imagining an adult only plane….(my 7 year old is sitting next to me) double standard????? Noooo who me? I love food until you ask me what I’d like to eat…..then nothing sounds good and every suggestion given to me is shit! I drive myself crazy. I love too hard too fast. I wear my heart on my sleeve when it’s convenient for me. I push people away when I need them the most. My anxiety is crippling at times, I wake up and the thought of facing the day outside of my bed is daunting. But I push through and force myself to see the beauty in my life. #lovemeanyways
It was an interesting bit of coincidence that my Love Me Anyways bracelet and my tattoo matched themselves up.
I’ve been thinking a lot about the idea of Love Me Anyways. I have next to no problem loving other people, despite their idiosyncrasies and faults. I’m good at accepting people for who they are.
I am not, however, good at accepting and loving myself.
I just graduated from a six month stint in an intensive outpatient program for eating disorders. I’ve been following the rules and guidelines, and doing everything they’ve asked me to do. There is pride in that accomplishment.
As a result of following those rules and guidelines, I’ve been losing weight. This week, I needed to start wearing clothes a size smaller than I have been. People have been commenting that I “look good!”
So what does my screwed up, broken mind do? It immediately turns to self-destructive urges and behaviors.
What the hell?!?
What is it about me that won’t let myself succeed? Why can’t I accept my accomplishments and continue to grow from them? Why do I punish myself when I achieve one of my goals?
It’s upsetting that my biggest enemy is myself.
So I guess the whole point of this post is that I need to practice loving ME anyways. lovemeanywaysthoughtinitiative unfukyourself
Fair request from a sidewalk, especially in #lovable #Silverlake – might make this my new #darrenroseradio #tagline (at Silverlake, CA)
The first time Padhia told me about Love Me Anyways, I thought it was the most badass thing ever. Immediately I knew I wanted part of the movement. I sport the wristband everyday and throw on the tank any time it is clean. Love Me Anyways is something the world needs more of – positive affirmations that it is ok to be who we are and that the people who matter in life are the ones who love you anyways.
The first time Padhia told me about Love Me Anyways, however, I was incapable of fully comprehending the concept. Not much more than a month prior, I was forced to go to the hospital for fifteen stitches after a night of wine and cutting. It was the culmination of a series of nights of the same thing – my depression and anxiety were spiking to an all-time high. Roughly two weeks later, my best friend left me high and dry because of the whole situation, taking my two other friends with her. My family lives two thousand miles away from me, and they did not know how to help me either. I was all alone in a new city, wounded and lost, just trying to make sense of everything that had happened. Most of my days were spent lying in bed, just wishing my life would end.
My whole life, love has been conditional. Even those who tried their best to love me unconditionally were only able to do so in covert conditional ways. That was all I ever understood. I earned love by stuffing down any emotion I felt and taking on other people’s burdens silently. And whenever I would collapse under the weight of it all, people would conveniently disappear from my life.
After a difficult five months alone in a little cocoon, I have surrounded myself with a new group of friends. And every single one of them teaches me something new everyday. But the thing they continue to teach me day after day is exactly what I could not comprehend after first hearing about Love Me Anyways. They see my flaws – the majority, if not all, of them know about my history with depression, anxiety, and cutting. They see me as their equal, even though I am younger than most of them. They encourage my goofy faces and random, sometimes nonsensical comments. And no matter what they come to know about me, they continue to Love Me Anyways.
Here is the other thing I have learned through all this: Love Me Anyways is just as much about doing just that for yourself. As my friends – my new family – have continuously shown me they will Love Me Anyways, I have found that I have been being a lot less harsh on myself. For the first time in my life, I am showing myself compassion and mercy. While I still have a long ways to go, I am learning that it is ok to love myself despite my flaws, quirks, and weirdness. I am starting to discover that it is ok to be whoever the fuck it is that I am (Mark my words, one day I will figure out that Agatha Christie mystery). And the cool side effect – I feel lighter. My sarcasm is no longer as cutting as it once was. I smile more. And there are not as many days spent lying in bed, no matter how comfy and warm it is.