I make bad decisions. Repeatedly. I have a hard time listening to people even when they have my full attention. Sometimes I feel like I dont believe the words that I say, not that im lying, but that im trying to be someone I am not…And I have no idea who that is. I get lost in thought every 20-30 minutes. I spend a considerable amount of time comparing myself to others around me, and a lot more time wondering why I feel inadequate. So I delve into the past and hold on to good memories for so long that they break, and hope their pieces can cover up the bad ones. I search for happiness in all the wrong places and people. So i’m not exactly happy every day, but I love when I am. I’m incredibly sensitive. And I dont mean “boo-hoo im so sad” sensitive. I mean when I look at someone that im speaking with and their eyebrows raise a certain way, or maybe their lips curl just after the end of my sentence, I will analyze, proofread and scour over every: word, gesture and movement that I made in the duration of our conversation until I understand where I faltered or succeeded. This forces me to project a certain image of myself in social environments so much that sometimes I cant tell if I’M speaking from whats true or what’s scripted. I basically stare at people and read their eyes, not everyone likes it. I also speak too much or too little. Or not loud enough. I can’t annunciate very well and I don’t practice doing what I love enough but I definitely think about practicing. And even after writing all of this I just think “I’m human, everyone is like this, I can’t be so rare or different than anyone else.” Then I go on, and walk through crowds of people every day and look at them and only see a different me. Love me anyways.